Pastor Darron L. Edwards, Sr.

Distinguished author of “I Second That Emotion”
Pastor, United Believers Community Church

The three great quests of life deal with someone to follow, something to do, and someone to love. Everyone wants to know how to identify with The Master (Jesus). Everyone wants to know what is their life Mission (purpose). Yet, there is a craze to discover who is my Mate (life partner).

Without question, there is much debate and discussion about the ingredients needed to produce a happy, holy, and healthy relationship. What are the building blocks that a marriage/relationship needs in order that it might withstand the onslaught of satanic attacks and demonic debauchery? Once again, The Holy Bible answers for us those mind-probing and gut-wrenching questions that seem to lead many of us down a road of regret, a path of passivity, and on a street called stuck. I believe The Holy Bible contains the answers to your relationship woes not speed dating, match making, or unholy hookups.

According to the Song of Solomon, there are three movements in a relationship - courtship, wedding, and marriage. Each area is like a three legged stool. If one leg is missing or not strengthened - the entire stool will topple over. Perhaps, your relationship started off on the wrong foot or maybe it started off on the right foot but something happened and it has gone wrong. I believe that our God is the Master Potter and He desires to put things back together again. No longer must your relationship flounder in frustration. This article will help to slow down the great toppling of relationships that exist within our culture.

Courtship is about finding someone in which you have commonalities. According to Marriage Savers, the number one problems with marriages originate with the courtship period. Can I share with you how to know if you are dating Mr. or Mrs. Right? The answers are in the The Holy Bible. First of all, examine how he or she handles pressure (Song of Solomon 1:6). Second, pay attention to their reputation amongst others (Song of Solomon 1:3). Reputation is what a person is like when they are not around you. The rest of Song of Solomon chapter one is indicative of a person who has a good work ethic. In short, marriage takes work. A good indication on how he/she will work on the relationship is to discern how he/she works on a job. Can I go deeper?

In regards to the Wedding Day, Song of Solomon 3:3 sheds a spotlight on this subject. Weddings are important because they unite couples emotionally, socially, and most of all physically and spiritually. In fact, a great wedding is a picture of an isosceles triangle (all sides are equal). There are equal amounts of spiritual, emotional, and social nourishment that enhances the public celebration called wedding. I believe the wedding should make a clear statement about God and the place God holds in each person’s life. Your wedding can be special without extensive debt.

Let ’s be clear that the Bible points out that there should not be private consummation before the public celebration. The Bible does not promote sexual “test drives” before you buy the car. There are no “lay-a-way” plans in the Holy Word of God.

In modern tradition, the wedding ceremony often focuses on the bride; however, according to Bible teachings about marriage the focus is on the groom (Matthew 25:6).

Pastor Edwards, how do I know I am doing the right thing in this relationship? According to Song of Solomon 3:6 - 9, four principles are expounded. First of all, there should be a public celebration (wedding). There must also be a promised covering. Brothers, you can not make your woman secure in you if you are insecure with yourself! Sisters, be careful! Watch out for the covering you choose to abide under in the marital relationship!

Also, there must be a pledge of commitment. Commitment is of the highest order. In courtship, there was passion. Passion is your initial attraction to someone. Passion leads to intimacy. Intimacy is sharing with someone on a regular basis. However, the highest order is commitment. Commitment is unconditional love, according to First Corinthians 13, given to an imperfect person.

Finally, the marriage must be parentally cheered. Someone of whom you hold in high regard ought to endorse what you are about to do. Pay special attention to people who are close to you who are telling you to “slow down” or “you are making a mistake”. Some times, God speaks through people.

The most important investment is the marriage not the wedding day. In regards to the marriage (lifetime learning process), once again make sure you have all three legs of passion, intimacy, and commitment on your stool strengthened. In marriage, felt needs must be continuously nourished and nurtured. As a pastor I have seen so many marriages made in Heaven end up marred by Hell simply because needs stopped being met.

When needs are unmet, your mate may drift. In order that this won ’t happen with you, please consider Willard Harley book on LOVE BUSTERS. Harley identifies the four top needs of men are attractiveness, appreciation, adventure, and aptitude. Your man wants a woman who is attractive. Men get turned on by what they see. Conversely, women get turned on by what they hear. Also, men want a woman who will appreciate them or stroke their ego every now and then. Men like adventure. Finally, men love a woman who has aptitude. A woman of competence and intelligence is a prime candidate for life long romance.

A woman, on the other hand, needs affirmation, affection, attention, and assurance. A woman wants you to tell her that she is important to this world and to your world. A woman loves affection; although, affection does not always mean sex. A woman wants your attention. She understands that you are LARGE AND IN CHARGE but she wants to know where she fits in the paradigm of your life. She also wants assurance. Women want to know that she has “exclusive rights” to you.

These are few tips and techniques that can help you discover the ultimate relationship experience. I would remiss if I failed to tell you that the most important relationship is with Jesus Christ (Romans 10: 9 - 10).

In closing, my brothers please remember that “a woman has the last word in any disagreement”. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new disagreement. I hope you feel me on this. This proverbial phrase was shared with me from a gentleman who has been married for over fifty-two years to my mom!

BE ENCOURAGED!
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