Myeisha Greene

The single people of Kansas City often say, “There isn‘t a good quality of available men Kansas City. It‘s hard to find a good man in KC”” or “These girls in Kansas City are trifling. All of them have kids and always looking for a dude to take care of them and their kids.” However, there are people in KC that are hooking up and developing relationships that work. With relationships, or lack thereof, it‘s easy to blame the opposite sex rather than point at ourselves to evaluate the problem. If you are having trouble finding love in the city, why not do some self evaluation and see what needs improvement.

Self-improvement begins with identifying the things that hold you back from reaching your true desires. When looking for love, identify the things that may hold you back from meeting your desired mate. And if you continuously attract the same type of guy or girl or run into the same relationship issues, then clearly something needs to change and it‘s probably you. Look into doing different things, exploring new options, or walking new paths to get different and better results. You can‘t go to the same clubs or hang out within the same social circles and expect to find love. The same games are played on the same type of fields. Play a different game on a different field.

Pinpoint the characteristics you would need to help you attract the characteristics you desire from the opposite sex. If you want someone that is athletic and physically fit, then you need to reactivate your gym membership. If you want someone that is financially responsible with a good credit score, then you need to cut up your credit cards, eliminate some debt and begin building your financial future.

These are just the minimal changes to start with, but what about that attitude. When you walk into a party, bar or restaurant, do you smile and appear approachable? When you are approached by someone of the opposite sex, are you respectful, maintain eye contact and project a positive attitude even if you know they do not have a chance? How you treat others is noticed. Yes, this guy may not be your type, as he expresses his interest in you, but by remaining polite and courteous, the more confident and attractive guy across the room is paying attention and may feel comfortable enough to come talk to you.

Your attitude is the second thing others notice next to your physical appearance. Your attitude reflects your emotional and spiritual well-being. A happy and friendly person is more approachable and easier to talk, as oppose to, someone that is stand-offish or uninviting because they are bitter or angry. Nobody wants to get involved with that drama. If you have people around you that are constantly complaining about how men are no good or how women are gold-diggers, you may develop that same attitude toward the opposite sex. In your eyes, every man or woman you meet would be no good causing you to put up this guard when approached by the opposite sex.

Essence magazine‘s Single Man of the Month, Actor Omari Hardwick, of TNT‘s “Dark Blue,” was asked what he looks for in a woman. His response, “I like a woman with a really good sense of humor. She also has to be spiritually grounded and have an interest in community service.”

When seeking an attitude adjustment, it‘s important to strive to be emotionally and spiritually healthy. In addition, a better attitude would give you the confidence to take one new adventures. Getting involved with your community can help improve your emotional and spiritual health. Studies have shown making a difference within in your community helps build confidence and can improve your attitude by giving you a new perspective on life. You feel good knowing you made a difference in the lives of others.

Also, while working in your community, you meet many different types of people. Through volunteering, you meet people that may have different or similar backgrounds, but share common interests like caring for the community. With a better attitude, you maintain an open mind and are open to more possibilities. You might even meet someone of the opposite sex and spark a new relationship while improving your community and yourself.

You have to step outside your everyday box and open your mind to greater things to make personal improvements. Having an open mind takes the limits off your possibilities and allows you to grow and explore new options especially when it comes to finding your mate.

“I was certain my husband would be 6 feet or taller. I never even gave my number to someone shorter than me, but with him it didn‘t seem important,” said Jerica, 24, when talking about dating before meeting her fianc� whom is only a few inches shorter than her.

Limiting yourself to physical characteristics could be detrimental to your search for true love. The reason you may attract the same no good men or gold-digging women is that you look for physical traits that are not ideal with the non-physical attributes. It‘s very rare that the guy with the baggy jeans, Timberlands and long plain white T has a Master‘s Degree and can hold a conversation about the State of the Union. And the girl with the longest weave, the highest heels, and the tightest outfit pays a price to look like that and getting with her just may cost you.

It is necessary to work to improve yourself to help you find your ideal mate. Personal improvement takes more than getting in shape and cleaning up your financial messes. You have to monitor your emotional and spiritual well-being to improve your attitude. A positive attitude gives you the confidence to explore new paths and doesn‘t limit you to the same social networks, clubs, or other places to meet your ideal mate. Open your mind, become more approachable, and improve your attitude to begin attracting better qualities and to build better relationships with the opposite sex.